Monday, May 17, 2010

I Will Survive! (But not on "Survivor")

In honor of last night's Season 20 finale of the reality show "Survivor" (I think Parvati got robbed!) here are the reasons I will never be a contestant on the show...
  • I am afraid of bugs.
  • I don't know how to swim.
    • Yes, some seasons don't have swimming-related challenges but most do.
    • Yes, I could learn to swim, but peeps, it just ain't gonna happen.
  • Without my glasses I wouldn't be able to see a thing.
  • I hate getting dirty and staying dirty.
  • I wouldn't be able to sleep well, leading to constant headaches
    • I do not sleep well in my own cushy, comfortable bed with 6 fluffy pillows and down comforter so no way would I be able to manage sleeping in a shelter with a bunch of other strangers
  • Lack of food would mean lack of energy.
  • Going to the bathroom would not be easy: no privacy, no tp, no toilet!
  • Too much sweating. I hate hot weather (weird, since I grew up in tropical weather).
    • Unless there would be Survivor: Antarctica
  • I would either be a shy wallflower or open my mouth and talk people to death.  Neither would be a great strategy.
  • I have a very round face (even when I'm thin, by the way) & I would not be photogenic enough for TV.
    • Think "Fat Monica" on "Friends" where the camera "adds 10 pounds" and the question is, "How many cameras are actually on you?" That would be me. 
  • I do not want to eat gross stuff in a challenge.
  • I get motion sickness too easily (mostly headaches and nausea).
  • I would be terrible in physical challenges.  Too chubby and out of shape sadly.
  • I am too old for Survivor standards.
    • Yes, there are a few competitors older than me but just last night Jeff Probst said the average age of Survivor winners is 32.  Um, that ship sailed many years ago (about 16, to be precise).
I don't watch any other reality shows and perhaps there is one out there that would be a good fit for me.  Am I missing any reasons?

1 comment:

  1. Totally agree about Parvati, but what can you do. She knew that Sandra would win, but she wasn't in a secure enough position to push Russell too hard. I love how she takes none of it personally.

    If I couldn't swim, I don't think I could ever drive over a bridge. I have a hard enough time on long bridges (my major phobia, next to grasshoppers and praying mantises) as it is!!

    There are SO many reasons I wouldn't last on Survivor, though, despite my ability to swim. Everyone would love me the first day and think I was so funny; then on Day 2 it would be all, "Does she ever shut up? And she is SO BOSSY," and then I'm gone.

    Eating the gross food, though? That I would rock. As I pointed out to my friend Laurie, all that raw or aged fish looks not unlike what I choose to eat for lunch on a regular basis. The only thing that grossed me out about those kelp-fish smoothies Jeff made last season is when he added milk. Milk is disgusting.

    I always tell Barb that we should go on "The Biggest Loser," and she says, "Yeah, competition at that level would really help our friendship." :)