Sunday, November 27, 2011

No one told us ANY of this!


So my eyebrows have always been a little more "Brooke Shields" or even "Audrey Hepburn" than "Edith Piaf" or "Greta Garbo" and I have never been one to pluck them (or use an eyelash curler --- I think it may be a latent phobia --- those gizmos freak me out and I have never owned one). I think this stems from the way in which I rebelled as a teen.

I was never a drinker nor did I ever try any kind of drugs. (When I was about 19 my acne medication made me kind of high: I felt like I was floating as I lay on my bed. My doctor told me to halve the dose and all was well.) I never wore trampy clothes nor did I run around with a "fast" crowd in high school or college. Instead I refused to wear makeup. THAT'LL show my mother! Did I mention the acne I had starting in high school and WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?


Anyway, back to my eyebrow story. My mom was a child of the 1940s and 1950s. She had attended modeling school and learned how to do her makeup according to the standards of those times. Among other things, this pretty much meant plucking out ALL of one's eyebrows and drawing them in again with eyebrow pencil. My mother's eyebrows never did grow back except sparsely and every day for the rest of her life she had to draw them back on.

I am very surprised that my mother never held me down and plucked my eyebrows. I am pretty sure she wanted to since she used to slap makeup on me for all occasions she could manage. Her makeup was Max Factor pancake, another thing she used all her life. When I finally started wearing makeup (about age 19 or so) I also used pancake makeup. As a child of the 1970s, however, this was NOT the right thing to use, but it was all I knew! By the time the 1980s rolled in with its big hair and bigger makeup I missed that train too. My hair stayed small and my makeup routine stayed 1950s.

I never did anything to my eyebrows though. They were thick and dark and natural. I liked them, probably because I knew my mother did not. SUCH a rebel was I. About 5 or 6 years ago I did have them "shaped" which is basically waxing off the stray hairs above and below the main section but I only did it that one time.

Here's what no one ever tells you: your eyebrows go gray too! (Intellectually I knew this but now that it's happening to me at a fast and furious pace I am shocked, SHOCKED!) Oh, and they also grow more wildly than ever. I have a few that are super long and need to be trimmed. I have so many more strays over and under the natural arch that I think my eyebrows will start to look like the late Andy Rooney's. And the gray ones! (Actually, mine are white.) They stick up and out just begging me to pluck them! So I do but this is a no-win scenario as they will ALL turn white and then I'll be eyebrow bald.

So it looks like I will need to resort to an eyebrow pencil after all. Blech. I hate shopping for makeup.

Sigh. I guess older women DO tell us these things but we, in our perky-breasted glory, think, "Naah, that'll never happen to ME." And years later there we are, looking for a bra with way more support.

And don't even get me started on the chin hairs. Guh.

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE shopping for make-up! Even more than shopping for wine! Let me buy your eyebrow pencil for you, and then fly me to your house to draw on your brows for you. Nothing would make me happier. I love putting make-up on people as much as I love shopping for it. We are SO different. Isn't it amazing we found each other?!

    Hey, what do you mean, you never ran with a fast crowd? Your *best friend* in college was a heavy drinker and sex fiend, missy! How fast does a girl have to be, hmmm???

    xox
    your besty, the painted lady

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