[No, no, no, bad habit! I keep trying to start sentences with "I think". Which is dumb because I AM the one writing this blog. Of COURSE I am thinking all this. Duh.]
I don't want to live in the past but some days I do wish I could go back and do certain things differently. But even if I COULD change things I wouldn't be HERE at this exact spot in my life. It means I would never have met CPA Boy. Or had The Boy. Impossible to imagine so I have to assume all the decisions led me to this point. I am happy overall so it's truly hard to regret the past. I still want to kick my younger self for being so STUPID sometimes. But that's what being young is about: making stupid mistakes and learning the hard way!
These various lists and reminisces have mainly concentrated on the past. That doesn't mean my PRESENT isn't worth focusing on. I just find it a little TOO personal to write about my marriage just yet (for which CPA Boy is ever grateful). And now that The Boy is 18 I am really trying to go back to living MY life and letting go of "momming" the poor kid. Believe me, the last few years could have been a treasure trove of "my teen is driving me crazy!" posts. He still drives me crazy; I just ignore it better.
But...since I turn 50 in a couple of weeks I suppose I am a BIT more fixated on HOW QUICKLY my life has seemed to go. You do the math: average life span is now about 78 years old. I have been an adult for 32 years. I have, on average, about 28 years left.
This is the kind of crap that keeps me up at nights!
I am not REALLY bothered about turning 50. I know it's just a number. And many people tell me I look younger than I am (they don't say HOW much younger though, hmmm...). My dad looks much younger than 77 and when we go out to lunch the servers usually assume we are married to each other! Which is weird.
Anyway, perhaps this turning 50 thing is why I am ready to lose weight. I am tired of being fat. I want to be healthy in the PRESENT and it's time to stop looking at pictures of my young and skinny self and wishing I looked like that again. And with an 18-year-old, I have not been able to use the "baby weight" excuse for QUITE some time! I'm down 24 pounds since August 29. Not too bad, eh? Still so far to go though. So I won't be thin by 50 but maybe by 51!
Physical therapy was painful, as I'd suspected, but it really made a difference after only one session. My shoulder is not frozen YET so my therapist thinks I should be able to regain complete use without surgery.
I have a few more lists to write up for the "overview of my life as I approach 50". Lists of what, you ask? How 'bout cars? I've had 5, not counting the cars CPA Boy drives, or the Volkswagen Beetle Lady C and I had the summer of 1982. I drove stick shift cars FOR YEARS. Now that I have had automatics I can't believe how long it took for me to switch! (I do still try to "shift" every once in a while!)
- 1984 Toyota Tercel - brown ("The Gerbil"), stick shift, first car!
- 1992 Toyota Tercel - metallic blue, stick shift, first car purchased with CPA Boy!
- 1998 Toyota Corolla - dark blue, stick shift, first air conditioner!
- 2005 Toyota Corolla - silver, first automatic transmission!
- 2007 Toyota Prius - green, first personalized license plate!
Sense a theme? Yep, all Toyotas. The Boy now drives the silver Corolla. CPA Boy has a new dark blue Prius. We have also had a 2001 Celica and a leased 1998 Camry. Expensive cars aren't my thing; I am all about reliability and great gas mileage. My Prius gets about 46-48 on average; the new one gets about 51. CPA Boy is smug about this.
I really like writing this blog. Once I get past this "list" phase I will try to share more about my life in other ways. And to those of you who read it, please feel free to leave lots of comments. They make my day!