Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Searching for the Perfect House

Turns out, there really is no such thing. Too expensive. Needs too much work. Too old. Weird layout. Doesn't get cable. So many possibilities to pooh pooh!

We went to three open houses on Sunday and each one was just a bit odd.

The first was a one-story, five bedroom place in Rohnert Park. There were three bedrooms down one hall and the other two bedrooms were on the other side of the house. It turns out they were added on. The hallway was barely wider than my hips. (Yeah, yeah, keep your snotty comments to yourself!)

So that was kind of odd. But then there was the laundry room. It was a small rectangular room with a sink (a fun feature we've never had in a house and would come in handy for rat cage cleaning day) and a counter and shelves.

The thing is, if you actually put a washer and dryer into the room there would be maybe two feet between the appliances and the counter! There would be no actual room for a (wide hipped) person to get laundry in or out of the dryer! And you'd have to lift the washer and dryer OVER the sink and the counter. (Obviously the counter would need to be removed for the laundry room to even become functional!)

The other two house had issues too but the one that stuck out the most to me were the ovens. They were so small the Keebler Elves would disdain them! What always cracks me up about these small ovens is how the realtor always tells you how much fun it will be to go shopping for new ovenware!

SERIOUSLY?!!! I already have a collection of ovenware that I have no desire to downsize! Including the turkey roasting pan I bought a couple of years ago. Which will not fit into those wee ovens. CPA Boy may be Keebler Elf size (CPA Boy says, "Hey! Wait a minute now!") but we want a regular size oven! Or two!

We actually have two normal-size ovens in our current home. The people who sold us our house had replaced all the appliances and they replaced the microwave/oven combo for an oven/oven combo. We had to purchase our own microwave. Except for the counterspace the microwave takes up we love having the double ovens.

Of course the question is, you have a perfectly nice house, why do you want to move?

Well, we don't WANT to, really, but we think it would be better to have a one-story house and a place where there's NO homeowners' association!

CPA Boy does not go up stairs easily so that's the main reason. But I hate the HOA. That's the other reason.

When you buy a home in an HOA you get disclosures informing you of all the rules and regulations you will need to follow once you move in. So it's not like I didn't know any of this going in but reading about something and living with it are two different things!

We cannot park a car on the street from midnight to 7 am. Why? It's the rule. When we first lived here we only had two cars and a two-car garage. Now we have three cars and the same two-car garage. The Boy parks behind me every night. When I go out I need to move his car first so I can get mine out of the garage.

And now one of the board members of the HOA is on a mission to keep cars from parking in DRIVEWAYS overnight. Until The Boy moves out --- insert huge laugh here! --- we will always have 3 cars and a two-car garage. I'm not sure what the board member plans to make us do about this.

We can't plant anything in the front or back yards without getting permission first. We can only select from a tiny selection of colors when we paint our house. We need to get a parking permit for overnight guests which costs $25 and is only good for 2 weeks. (An issue when CPA Boy's sister was staying here while her husband was in the hospital for several weeks.)

What we'd really like to do is buy the large dinosaur sculpture and put it in the corner of our yard so it looks down on the golfers who pass by on the golf path next to our house. But it's not allowed. Nothing should be visible over your fence in case anybody might see it. Or something.

When we first moved in there was a very large tree out front that had a large branch failure which hit our garage and driveway. It was pure hell trying to get permission to remove the tree which our arborist (yes, we have an arborist. Doesn't everyone?!) said would only have more branch failures. The tree was a 15-year-old ornamental pear, not a protected redwood or anything. (We were actually supposed to replace it with another tree but I haven't decided which kind of tree to plant. It will take a few more years of deliberating I fear.)

And the latest thing the HOA wants to do is put homes in groups of 6 or 8 and make us all responsible for each other in case of an emergency. They will let us know what supplies we are supposed to have on hand and so on. (I have nothing against helping my fellow neighbors in an emergency, by the way.)

Nobody likes a nanny state. We live in a nanny HOA.

1 comment:

  1. There are at least four shades of brown to choose from, including tan, bark, light brown, dark yellow and baby poop